I had a fun I love Fall post all planned out and maybe I'll feel like it later, but for now I'm so bummed...
Cam got sent home from school today :(
School starts at 8:20am and at 9:00am my phone rang. I didn't want to answer. I saw caller I.D, I knew. For a microsecond I thought maybe it was about my volunteer stuff...No such luck. All his Aide said was Cam was having a "major meltdown" and his teacher would like him to get picked up. He would be in the office waiting. Let me backtrack for a moment and mention that I was laying on the couch when the phone rang because I am sick and I am trying to fight it by allowing myself to rest for a few moments (the last couple days) after the kids leave for school. So... headache, stuffed up, congested sinuses, phone call...come get Cam. Back up to speed.
I ran upstairs to get Maddie and myself dressed. I ran back down jumped in the van and headed to school. I called Joe 3 times with no answer. I didn't really need him to do anything but know what was happening. I just didn't want to be the only one dealing with it. I figured he must be in a meeting but still just wanted to hear him say it was going to be okay. I swear every car between home and school was driving half the speed limit. I just wanted to put on a siren and swerve around them. I didn't want him to sit in the office one minute more then he needed to. I knew he was there for bad reasons, but the mom in me was feeling SO over-protective. I just wanted to hug him and tell him it was going to be alright. To tell him that I know he was just frustrated and he'll have a better day tomorrow. But on the other side of my head and heart, I knew that wasn't it. I had to handle the situation differently. I had to be firm in the fact that his behavior was SO UNACCEPTABLE, especially for school. I knew that I was driving there because it was REALLY bad. I just didn't know HOW bad yet. I got to the office wearing my sunglasses so they wouldn't see my eyes so full of tears. I looked at him sitting there; his eyes red from crying, a look of sadness and guilt on his face.
"What happened?" I asked
"I couldn't draw my cheetah right, the other leg kep being too fat"
He knew EXACTLY what had sparked the riot within in him. He knew he shouldn't have reacted that way, it was written all over his face. When we got in the car I couldn't help myself, as I helped him buckle I started hysterically crying, AGAIN.
"I'm Sorry Mom"
"I'm Sorry too Cam. I am SO Sad that you have to come home right now. I am SO Sad that you have to miss school and all the fun things you do there, ALL because you were too frustrated about a picture!"
The amazing part is he can calmly recount the entire thing to me and explain it all so rationally. Yet when he is in the "throws of it" literally, he is so IRrational that it is scary. Today, he told me and then his teacher told me the same thing: He was drawing a birthday card for a classmate, the cheetah he was drawing didn't look just the way he wanted it to, the legs were uneven, so he screamed and pounded the table and yelled and threw himself on the floor, and threw crayons and erasers and pushed the table and kicked his chair against the wall. That was way beyond the daily upset he has had,day to day so far. I totally appreciate the fact that his teacher tried to deal with him and I totally respect the fact that they called me to get him, it is just the what do we do now, that is torturing me.
So now we are home. I have a message into his therapist. I am so torn between what I should be doing right now. I don't want to send him to his room, like I am punishing him, because I don't feel like he was doing this to "be bad" or because he was trying to disobey rules. But I don't want him to think it is okay and that he can just freak out and then come home and have a good ol' time either. He needs to know that his behavior was unacceptable and that he can not be in class when he acts like that. Luckily he loves school enough that I think that will help him try his hardest, but it isn't something he does on purpose which is what makes this all so hard to manage. I wish there was some manual that could tell me what to do! I made him help me put laundry away. And we keep talking about it. He said he felt "bad for being mean at Mrs. Scherger" so we decided it would be good for him to make her an apology picture. He has been working on it for over half an hour. From what we have learned in therapy he needs to get in some "heavy work" and playing on the playground is a great way to do this. Since we have a playground, that is a possibility, but again, I'm torn between dealing with his behavior correctly but not rewarding inappropriate behavior.
He just came up to me and said, he was sad, he didn't get to have recess with his friends. He said when he "prayer times again at school tomorrow," that he is "going to prayer for his whole class" :( Crying again...me that is. I know that I am not the only mom in the world, in fact I'm not the only mom in our school probably, who is dealing with the challenges of the their children, but that doesn't seem to make me feel any better right now. I just wish I could hug him and make him better. That I could say "There! Now you have all my love protecting you Cam and now you will have a beautiful life. Go forth my son!" :) But since that will not work, I guess we just keep trying. I just "prayer" :) that he can stay out of his own way, so that he CAN have a beautiful life. One step at a time, I guess.
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