I have 7 days of my 100 mile challenge left and I am feeling anxious about what comes next. I have stayed on workout regiments for a few months and then given up more times then not, like EVERY time. Sometimes it's been after a few weeks. This time has been different in that after just a couple months, last month sporadically running and then obviously this month or 3.5 weeks of serious running. I have actually noticed a change in my body for the better. I have not lost any weight in fact I have gained a couple pounds, but my clothes fit better and I feel better. Tired but better. I am hoping that this in itself will help to keep me going but I don't know.
One thing about me is that I really don't have a desire to go further then what I am doing. Like some of you may have finished that 5 mile race and thought "Gosh maybe I should do a half marathon or a whole marathon." Um. No sorry. No thank you. I don't have that drive to go further. I mean I'm more an I would actually drive further :) But that's about it. I know myself too well. I don't want to have done all this work and then give up. I want to change my lifestyle so that this is just part of it. But that's what has NEVER happened and that scares me.
So I am almost to my goal. I have 33.5 miles to go. I have a ton of stuff going on this week, but I have already pretty much scheduled it every day, just to be sure that I get it in. I am doing a 5K on Saturday, hopefully with a little better experience then last race day:) I am planning on scheduling my spa treatments because I know I am going to do it. So I guess my question is "What's next?"
I feel like I like the change happening to me could be enough that that will motivate me. In fact Joe has been very sweet to compliment my dedication and says he notices changes. Poor guy can't even compliment me with out me thinking, NOT saying. "oh great so he DID think I was fat before." No wonder he treads so lightly around my appearance:) I'd be scared of me too :) He told me someone else made a nice comment about me losing weight. Again, That's very nice but I hate that with those types of compliments there insinuates a contrast, a counter from before compared to now. Well who am I kidding, I wasn't in denial about my body. I have always said I HATE working out, but I would do it when and if I wasn't anymore. I hit that benchmark.
It has only been 20 days and I have run more of them then not. I have had days where I felt SO tired and Rachel has even told me maybe I should take a day off and half way through the day I felt like "No I better get out there." That's new for me:) I definitely think that talking about my journey on this blog has helped. I feel like it has held me accountable. I feel like in the last 20 days that I have come so far! I feel like I have changed my perspective 180 degrees. Ask any of my friends or just anyone I have talked to about running. I HATED it! I still don't LOVE it but I have to admit I kind of LIKE it.
I guess with school starting I could try to challenge myself to run outside? I don't know. I think a meeting with my run coach is in order. I think I am just mostly scared of how much time it takes me to get my workouts in. Especially the mileage I have been trying to get in. When it is summer and my days aren't all scheduled I can squeeze it in here and there. But during school when We are so busy with homework, sports, volunteering, and all that day to day. I have always let that my fitness be the first thing to go. I felt selfish for taking time for myself away from my family. But my mindset is changing a bit. The other day, Maddie was with me while I worked out and she was copying me doing walking lunges and push-ups and crunches. She is watching her mama do something so healthy, perhaps it will be a good balance to the times she sees me cooking, eating and drinking :) That is a good lesson. My kids know running is healthy and that is why I am doing it, but they also know that I don't love it, nor am I naturally good at it, but am doing it anyways, this is a very good lesson. And they watched me do a race that I was SO SCARED to do, that I thought I may get sick, and finish it so proud of myself I had tears in my eyes. That is a GREAT lesson. So if not for myself, for them. I can't allow myself to feel selfish for taking this time to get healthy, Going out partying all the time would be selfish, working out -not so much.
I will keep you all posted as I finish my challenge. I thank you again for your support and hope perhaps you'll start your own challenge. Maybe we start a Crazy Wonderful Run Support Group. This running stuff is for sure CRAZY:)
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