Joe and I's birthdays are 2 days apart, although he is one year older then I :) In the last year I have made great strides in myself I think. I committed to exercise and take care of myself, although not my strongest aspect I am doing it, and continue to push myself. I have committed to this blog and made it most times a daily ritual that I feel is therapeutic and I really enjoy the people I have met and reconnected with through this. I want to continue to make it a priority. Also I am still happily married and happily the mother of my 4 crazy kidlets. Which you know...I think is a year to year if not day to day battle to stay on top of :)
For some reason my kids like to really test that last part every year on my birthday. In fact as we drove home from Delaney's soccer party last night... Yes, I spent my birthday dinner at a local pizza place, getting trophies and eating all you can eat salad bar instead of enjoying my favorite birthday dinner...Baja Fresh in my sweats at home :( But as we drove home I was having a flash back from my LAST birthday when Joe sent everyone to bed and let them know that they had ruined my birthday after I went upstairs and locked myself in my room, due to their absolutely unacceptable behavior. Nice! Last night they decided to fight, be rude and disrespectful in public, NOT do their homework, be mean to one another for no reason, be mean to me for no reason. It was lovely.
I didn't yell, I tried not to cry, but I just made them aware of the fact that my feelings were hurt and I didn't understand why they couldn't give me what I asked for my birthday. No presents just
#1 That they get along
#2 That they listen
I also through in some motherly guilt when I told them that it sucks that on THEIR birthdays, ALL I sit and think is "what can I do to make their day special?!?" I don't know, it is weird. Like literally I think they can't handle it when I ask for special attention and the most annoying part is I HATE ASKING FOR SPECIAL ATTENTION! I just want them to WANT to be nice and good to me on my birthday and maybe therein lies the problem. Because I hate asking!!! So I don't sit and harp on them reminding them. I just tell them in the morning and HOPE that they'll be able to pull their acts together the rest of the day.
Weekday birthdays leave much to be desired as it is, but when you are a parent, they take on a whole new set of annoying because it's not just, you have to work the day of or next day, it's that there is driving carpool to get to, homework that needs to be done. And maybe your kids are different, but my kids require constant prodding to do their homework and then the helper (Me) also gets verbally abused for being"WRONG" every time I open my mouth to make a suggestion. There are also lunches to be made and laundry to do and it just makes it really not about you. It makes it about you trying to figure out how you are going to get all this SH*T done and have 5 minutes to do what YOU WANT like sit with your kids and snuggle them on the couch before bed, or heaven forbid, you get to turn on a show YOU want to watch and have a glass of wine on your birthday!
Let me say Delaney did really try. Everything and anything I asked she happily did. Dishwasher done, Mud room picked up-check! All with a hug and a kiss afterwards. And Joe was sweet and tried to be helpful. Unfortunately for him by that point I am so irritated that I don't let him. So I guess I am partially to blame. But Maddie is 2 and she is just possessed and being a toddler. Like when she screamed at me and told me "NO MAMA! IT NOT YOUR BIRTHDAY! IT DADA BIRTHDAY!" ok?!? Then Cam was on the couch all afternoon and now today he is home from school. Fever! Super! No that's fine I didn't need to go to run club! I LOVE running 5 miles on a treadmill. And Keegan HATES homework. He gets that from me (awesome!) He gets SO frustrated he can't handle himself and he takes it our on everyone. He apologized finally last night. He hates being rude. He just said he couldn't help it. We'll be working on that.
Another year, another birthday...Maybe next year they will get it. I don't know. Maybe it doesn't matter. Maybe I am just grouchy and maybe I need to remind myself that I am super lucky to have these monsters in my life. But you know what I KNOW I AM LUCKY, that doesn't mean that they can't piss me off here and there. And it doesn't mean that I don't love them, it doesn't mean I would trade them for anything, but just every once in a while it would be nice for them to think about me...just once a year. I am good with taking care of them every other day of the year. It is my job, my passion and I live to do so. We'll get there.
So Happy Birthday to me. Here's to a year of proving how much I can handle and here's to not trying to prove so much next year :)
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