Let's try this again...

Thursday: I spent the day getting my chores done, I arrived at school for pick up-triumphant. Apologized to my kids for being grouchy and they hugged me, told me they loved me and they were sorry for being naughty. We held hands and skipped home singing "Love will find a way..."

Beep...Beep...Beep...Ashley! Wake Up! :)

I wish! I had all the best intentions and that would have been lovely but it was NOT reality. In reality I did NOT get my laundry done before pick up. Oh and so that you all don't think that I am exaggerating my laundry issues. This is from last week on Friday. I did laundry the Saturday before, this is what I get for not folding and putting my laundry away for 4 days.

It is not something I am proud of, but with school, soccer, carpool and a 2 year old. It was all I could do to keep the laundry washed and dried. I have kind of been a comedy of errors this week. Everything I needed to do has taken twice as long as it should! I realize I have 4 kids. I realize I CHOSE to have 4 kids and so believe me it is not lost on me that laundry is realistically a full time job, because of all that. I get it. That doesn't me I have to like it though :)

 I piled the clean laundry in the hall so I was almost tripping over it and would HAVE to get to it. Desperate times call for desperate measures :)

 I dried one basketful at a time so I wouldn't be folding wrinkly clothes. It took me ALL day and I would say that I probably had close to 9 loads!

But I did it! The mess that was riddling me with anxiety is finally gone...for now :) I say this every time. WHY DO I LET IT GET LIKE THAT?!?! The answer is easy...I don't LET IT! It is just life, it's too much going on, gotta go, throw it in there, worry about it later LIFE.

So back to the real story :)

I picked the kids up and as they got into the car, I said how sorry I was that I had been so grouchy. I gave each one a hug and as they went to take their seats, Keegan turned around and asked why I hadn't ordered more magazines from him for his magazine drive. Then Cam started screaming he wanted a play date and Delaney wined that she shouldn't be on restriction from play dates still, all the while Maddie screamed for her nigh-nigh. I calmly slid the van door closed.

"Deep breath in and out, in and out...Stay calm they are just tired...Deep Breath...open the door, get in and just drive home...you can make it..."

Door opens- Screaming pours from the opening- I slammed the door shut. Seriously! My window rolls down "MO-OM Keegan..." Ok that was it. DONE! I drove home sad, mad, irritated everything. I told them how sad and mad I was, that I had spent the day being sorry for how grouchy I was and how I'd hoped that they would try too. They were indifferent to say the least. I had to go to the store and luckily they held themselves together for that quick trip because otherwise I may have left them in front of the grocery store standing in a box that said FREE on it. We got home I threw my pork shoulder for pulled pork sandwiches into the oven in my Cast Iron Dutch oven. I needed to be able to get it going and forget it until later and that worked fine.

I made lunches and got organized then went BACK upstairs to conquer my nemesis...the laundry! After a couple hours I asked the kids if they would come help me, their response was a combination of indifference and ignorance. I called down again. I got a couple Noooo's a couple Whyyyyy's and at least four Ughs! That was the last straw, if I thought my screaming of HELLLOOOOO! was bad before I was prepared for a downpour of guilt after what was about to come out. It went a little something like this. I am capitalizing to emphasize that I was yelling at this point.

"I AM DONE!

YOU DO NOT WANT A MOTHER, YOU WANT A HOUSEKEEPER...NO SCRATCH THAT...A SERVANT! HOUSEKEEPERS GET PAID AND RESPECT FROM THEIR CLIENTS. SERVANTS ARE LIKE SLAVES, UNPAID, NOT RESPECTED, NOT THANKED, JUST EXPECTED TO DO WHATEVER THEY ARE TOLD! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT A SERVANT?!?!?

FINE! I AM DONE! I WILL JUST DO THE LAUNDRY AND MAKE THE MEALS AND CLEAN THE HOUSE AND YOU CAN GO GET THE LOVE AND THE HUGS AND THE KISSES SOMEWHERE ELSE, BECAUSE DOING ALL THIS ON MY OWN, I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING LEFT FOR IT! THAT MUST BE HOW YOU WANT IT. THAT IS WHY YOU TREAT ME AND WHAT I SAY WITH SO LITTLE RESPECT! FINE I AM DONE!!!!!!!!

I may have also added something about how I do ALL this for them because I love them and how I felt like if they loved me that they wouldn't have a problem wanting to help me. But I don't remember. I was so upset at that point that I charged back down the hall into the boys room and started SLAMMING their clothes into their closet. No semblance of order, just get it done! I heard the sound of feet flying up the stairs and the sound of Delaney's sobs as she came to find me down the hall. "MOM! I..I...LO-Love YOOOUUUUUU!" "Yeah Mom we are sorry!" Keegan added. I said nothing. I just kept putting away the clothes. "MOM!!!! SORRY!" They said jamming themselves between me and the closet shelves, hugging me, holding onto me. I cracked. "if you love me then why do you care so little about what I say? Can you imagine if I ignored you or if I groaned every SINGLE time you asked me to do ANYTHING!!??!! They frantically started putting clothes away. Delaney ran into her room to make her bed. They were probably scared to death of another verbal attack, so they were covering their bases. I stopped, I felt exhausted. I sat on the bed and I looked at each of them.

"I truly and utterly HATE that I had to just do that. I HATE feeling like this crazy mom. I HATE that I have to beg and scream and cry to get my point across. And though I think it was justified, I HATE that I just had to BLOW UP ON YOU! I am a stay at home mom, and that is my job and that is the job I have chosen! But I can NOT do it by myself. I love being home with you guys, and I love doing things for you, so when I ask you to help or do something, you just do it. No questions, no arguments. YOU JUST do what I ask. Do you understand what I am saying?"

They looked at me, worried that it was trick question. I added that if I ask Keegan to pick up Delaney's shoes, or vice versa, he needs to just do it, because, we are A FAMILY! A TEAM! and I am pretty sure that all the clothes I wash, dry and fold are NOT MINE and the dishes I wash are not all 6 my dishes and the dinner I made was not JUST enough for ME! I know they understand what I am saying, but they don't like it, and they are debating that they actually want to agree with this deal. I think in the end, they choose helping over more MOM MELTDOWNS, because I freaked them out.

I am not proud of these types of moments, but they are important to share, because I know I am not the first, nor the last mom to lose it like that. It makes me feel better to know that, but no more proud of my low points. Not everybody understands or has been to this type of breaking point, even my own husband, when I was telling him about it responded with a "What's for Dinner?" and when I gave him the look of "ARE YOU SERIOUS!? THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE TO INTERJECT?" he said to me "I don't know what you want me to say!" OK. For the record, "I'm sorry you had a rough day...Do you want me to have a talk with the kids?" Would have been perfect! I wonder where they get it from. The day before I said to all my kids "Hey guys pick up the family room while you are sitting there watching your show and when they ignored me I said to Joe, "Oh My gosh! Am I not saying things out loud or something?" he didn't hear me and when I went "OH MY GOSH!" He looked up scared and said "What?! I didn't hear you! What?" Seriously that IS where they get it. It's hereditary, they can't help it :)

Maybe I should cut them some slack. No! Time to reprogram :) So we made it through the weekend. Only a few days, granted, but still I didn't have to freak out at all Friday or Saturday or Sunday so that's good! I know this is not the last I will be posting about this type of episode. In fact I guarantee it's not. But what I hope I can take from all this posting and ranting and breaking down is that...

I can make it through these moments, and come back stronger each time.

I can apologize to my kids for my part in the craziness, and teach them that we all are responsible for our behavior and hopefully teach them to apologize when they don't like how they are acting.

I can be upset with my kids and still love them immensely at the same time.

A good breakdown can sometimes be the beginning of a new outlook on your life and that's a good thing.

p.s. For another thing, the kids helped me finally defeat my cursed Laundry FOE! Here's the proof!

 I put the kids school clothes out in their basket, on their shelf every night! It cuts a lot of crazy out of the next morning.

This is how this room should look! YAY! Happy Laundry Folding everyone!

Busy Weekend

Much to post about today. Update on how my 3 words worked out or didn't :) Soccer game chauffeur and cheerleader...and a mustard/brown sugar rub salmon recipe for dinner. Check back in this afternoon! Have a great morning.

Ashley


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Who wants to ride the Crazy Train with me?

So I did not get to posting last night, because, well, I think the 50th time I yawned I decided it was time for bed. I don't know what is different about this school year but it is different. Maybe it's that Cam is going full time now and playing soccer, so it's one more kid to organize. I try to keep everyone involved in the organizational process but they have been looking at me like "Yeah Right Mom" Their attitudes are not my friends right now.

As I type this here are some of the things that I think are making our days so challenging.

-Summer didn't start here until August

-We got back from vacation just over a week before school started

-We have been hitting 6 soccer practices a week.

-I have been driving to school, back and forth to school 2-3 times a day.

- I have been making 3 or 4 lunches a night

-Last night was the first time I slept through the night in weeks. My kids have decided that my bed is the best place to sleep.

HOLD ON! ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT IN PROGRESS!
I am watching Good Morning America and they just did a segment call 3 Words. They had people in their studio and all over the country holding up signs with just 3 Words. The band OneRepublic was there playing A Good Life. That song catches my ear every morning because it is Joe's Alarm Clock Song. Every day I hear it, I find myself saying.. Yes it is a good life! Watching the show I saw signs with things like
Laugh It Off
Sky's The Limit
Follow Your Dreams
We're Stronger Together
Be The Change
Celebrate Each Other

OneRepublic even held up a sign that said Take More Chances and there was a dance team, their words, TURN LIFE AROUND. Turn Life Around! That's IT! I have only been feeling overwhelmed for a couple weeks. There has been SO much to do! It's not like I am in this black hole, and I can't get out, but even so I hate feeling this way. So here I now sit, teary eyed. These words do what they intended and inspire me. I want to jump up and down and say Enough! And that is what I am going to do!

It is amazing in life how we get so wrapped up in our lives, ourselves, the chaos, the crazy. We enjoy the happy, the beauty, the love, the fun, but for most of us we don't get so turned around by all that good that we get lost in it. Why NOT?! It's like this nagging in the back of our mind saying, "Don't you know you have things to do, bills to pay, laundry to fold...."I think for me it's because when I have given myself over to "all that fun," the laundry has been piled up waiting for me when I finally came around and the overwhelming feeling of "OH NO!" quickly replaced the "OH MY WAS THAT FUN!" SO since I have not even liked myself lately, since I have annoyed myself and my family with the constant nagging and I am so tired of feeling like I am swimming against the current as far as our house and schedule goes. I am ready to turn it around. I need to get back to enjoying these days of mine.

First things first I need to just hunker down and get my house in order. It's not beautiful or glamorous but it is reality. I have a house, 4 kids and no housekeeper, so just call me the "Merry" Maid :) It's not what I love or even like to do but it has to be done. This week I've organized the garage, pantry, my van. I am almost done with the Mud Room and today I tackle my number one foe- THE LAUNDRY ROOM! I think once these things are done I will have a new lease on life. The kids are being required to keep their rooms in order and I think if I use after school play dates as collateral, they will continue to cooperate. So although like I said this isn't the most glamorous part of life, organizing is key to my happiness and consequently the happiness of my family. Or at least our sanity :)

If you are a parent you will understand what I am about to say. If you are not a parent, you had parents and I am sure you remember moments in your life where you didn't like them very much. Stay with me you'll see where I am going. SO as a parent, before your kids are born you have grandiose ideas about how its going to be. I wanted to be fun, in charge but not overly strict, and well, just a great parent. But I guess just like a great baseball player has a hitting slump...Great parents have off days too. Sometimes off weeks. It's not pretty, it feels terrible and you can't wait to get your Mojo back. On days like that you hear the words "What is with you guys!?!" or "Seriously!" coming out of your mouth (if you are like me every 5 minutes:) and they taste awful. You just want to shout "Just Kidding! Let's go get ice cream!" and make it all fun and good again, but it's not that easy. So one day of grouchiness, becomes two and hopefully not too many more. Yesterday I was talking to my kids in the kitchen, I am not joking- 5 feet away from them, asking them to do something and not one of them heard me or at least they acted like they didn't, they were yelling at each other and busy doing their stuff. I yelled at the top of my lungs

"HEEEEELLLLLOOOOOOOOOOO!"

They all froze and stared at me. My throat felt hoarse after that, but I got their attention. I asked if they would please pick up their things and put them in the mud room before we ate dinner. They looked at me, looked at each other and then kept fighting. OK SERIOUSLY! I stepped outside onto our deck and closed the door. Mommy needs a timeout. "I am such a jerk" is what I kept saying to myself, "but why are they ignoring me, why are they going out of their way to NOT do what I ask? Why is it SO LOUD in there?!?!" It is moments like this where you want to be better, but you aren't sure quite how to do it.  Maybe you ease your way out of the funk, and sometimes it takes a jolt for you to wipe your slate clean and start fresh. It's like the age old question, what came first? The chicken or the egg? Some days I look at the chaos and go, are they being naughty because I am being grouchy? Or am I grouchy because they are being naughty? In times like this it doesn't matter, so I need to quit trying to figure it out. I'd be better off just taking a deep breath and figuring out what it is going to take to get on track. In a happy, calm, rational way. Preferably in a quiet place, all alone surrounded by lattes or glasses of wine :) Just kidding! Sort of :)


I am all for the crazy train! I embrace it. In fact I pride myself on thriving in ORGANIZED chaos. That said I think this weeks slump is all about the organization. So I'm thinking... my three words...

Do The Laundry :)
Are you SERIOUS :)
Don't be Bitchy :)
Embrace the Chaos :)
Just be Happy (getting closer)
I am lucky
Live Life Real-ly!

I think that might be it. I need to live life REAL-LY. I need to remind myself that the house is going to be a mess some days, there will NEVER be enough hours in the day, the kids are going to fight, I am going to be exhausted, life is going to be chaotic! But also, we are going to have an extra load of laundry because we decide to play outside together. I am going to forget to make lunch because I am reading them a story. I am going to watch my kids do something kind for one another. We are going to have a dance party in the kitchen and there will beautiful meals and conversations at the dinner table. I AM LUCKY. I wouldn't trade places with anyone. I just need to bottle up those beautiful moments and save them for a rainy day, because reality is really real :) The good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful. It is all about balance. And though some days I feel like I am the man in the story Caps For Sale with all my different hats I wear. Mom, Wife, Chauffeur, Chef, Maid, Nurse, Friend, Sister, Secretary, Tutor, Daughter, Blogger, Cheerleader, Teacher and more. Maybe some days I can't balance them all, maybe some days I shouldn't. I can learn to be OK with that. I think...No... I will :)

So maybe my words are just
Crazy Wonderful Life
What are your 3 words?

CRAZY CRAZY?

OK so I really would like to sit and post about my craziness. But I HAVE to get dinner done take pictures while doing so, and make sure the kids finish their homework, make lunches and get everything laid out for soccer and school tomorrow. WAIT do we have soccer tomorrow? I don't know?!!! No! I don't think we do. Anyways this week the crazy is trying to overtake the wonderful and I am trying like hell not to let it! I apologize for not(really) posting today but I AM still here and I will try to get it out tonight, It surely will be hours and a few glasses of wine from now. Holy Crap I need to get a hold of myself and this household! Wish me luck!

Cheers to looking the "Sh-- Storm" straight in the face and laughing!
Ashley

Laptop Lunches....I love you:)

I got myself a gift. The gift of not having to wash lunch box compartments EVERY NIGHT!!! Yay! I have stated before my love of our Laptop Lunch Systems. And I am pretty sure that I mentioned the only thing that kind of sucked was washing the compartments every afternoon to pack lunch that night. I bought 3 Laptop Lunch Systems 3 school years ago. They were almost $40 so on the expensive side but that included: the insulated carrier, the inner bento box, 4 containers- 2 with lids, a water bottle and fork and spoon. Oh! Plus a nifty little lunch idea/nutrition book! Now to estimate how much I have saved would take a large amount of math, too much in fact for a Friday at 4:00pm. But let's just assume for 5 days a week, 3 lunches a day at least, 4 food groups a day, that's like 60 sandwich bags a week times let's say 40 weeks a year for school, outings, etc. 2400 sandwich bags in a year times 3 years so approximately 7200 sandwich bags I have saved from the landfill over the past few years. It probably is even more then that though, because I actually don't even buy them anymore. So I don't use them for anything. Not only is that a lot of waste saved but when you figure that 100 sandwich bags costs on average $5.50 not counting sales, Costco etc. That's 72 boxes times $5.50 equals $396 over three years! Now if you subtract the $150 that we have spent on the lunch boxes and extra containers...That is STILL over $200 savings over the past 3 years! JUST ON SANDWICH BAGS!!! I think I need to figure out what else I can save money like that on. And make the earth less trashy...It's a win win!

Also a win win is the way you feel when you send your kid to school with a work of art and call it lunch! Check it out!



I LOVE THIS! It looks just like an ad! The thing I like about these boxes the most is that because of the compartments and containers it really makes me think about what I am putting in them. It's a visual reminder of the food groups and I feel like I pack a better lunch when I use them. I will say I know there are other lunch systems out there, but I really don't think they compare. I am happy to plug Laptop Lunches. They are a great small business who's going gangbusters! But when you call you still have a real human who answers the phone. PLUS I ordered on a Monday NIGHT online and I was packing lunches by Thursday! They are so efficient! They even have a Facebook page where other Laptop Lunch Lovers post pictures of their lunch combinations for you to peruse. These lunch boxes are not just for kids. They are grown up cool too:)

I hope you'll check them out. Or at least check out their lunch ideas on their website or Facebook page. Here are some links for you.

www.laptoplunches.com
www.Facebook.com/LaptopLunches

I know we all get hit with a million infomercials a day. Everyone's got something to sell. So I don't want you to be irritated with this. Even if you have your own lunchbox from wherever and use your own containers that is still great. All the waste you are saving and money will be the same. All I am saying is that I don't know if I would follow through or continue to be good like I am with these, if I had to dig through my cabinets and find containers, taking more time or think too hard I may just bag it, literally :) Hopefully you are better then me:)

This month my goal, besides getting back to school and into a routine, is to come up with easy ways to save money, time, and resources. To streamline some things in my life. I am not saying I am going to be changing my WHOLE lifestyle, but maybe I could change parts of it. These lunch boxes have been a good start. I know a friend and my aunt who have done a "Live out of your pantry challenge" which I am going to do soon and I am going to think up a few more ideas. Should be exciting and I am glad that you'll be along for the ride. Until then...

Happy Lunching!
Ashley

EASY CHICKEN ENCHILADAS: My mom would call them "Easy Squeezy"

These really are so easy, good old All American, Kid Friendly version of Mexican food :) You could definitely add to it to make more fancy. This process would work for any enchilada, any filling, any sauce. This is a very good way to get your tortillas ready to fill. So like I always say make them to your taste! For These You need:

Corn tortillas
Rotisserie chicken- An already cooked one available at most grocery stores
Mexican shredded cheese
Can of enchilada sauce. At least 1 maybe 2 if you are making a 13x9. Or even 1 large can
Olives-if you are lucky and your family likes them mine do not have olives on them :(

Start by preheating your oven to 300 degrees. You'll need a cookie sheet and cooking spray like "Pam" I use olive oil cooking spray. But you can use anything.


You need to spray both sides of the tortilla.




Put in the oven for only a few minutes. Like literally 3 minutes.
When you pull them out they should be pliable but not falling apart. Here's an example of the chicken you can buy. If you have chicken at home already, like chicken breasts, you can just season with salt and pepper and bake them until they are done, then shred it.






While I do batches of the tortillas in the oven I shred the chicken off the bone and get it ready to put into the enchiladas.



I just take a handful and pile it on. Simple right :)



Now add a handful of shredded cheese.


Roll it!



Roll It!


And mark it with a B and put it in the oven for....Oh sorry I got confused:) Just roll it up. This is where you will appreciate the nice flimsy but not mushy tortillas



And put it in a 13x9 or whatever size oven proof pan.





Add your sauce. I liberally cover every inch.



Sprinkle on some more cheese, HEALTHY! and then your olives if you are allowed :)


Bake at 350 until the cheese is melted and/or bubbly. This won't take TOO long but just watch it. And remember, your chicken is already cooked so also you have to worry about is heating it up.

Serve with sour cream! YUM! Sorry everyone started eating too fast. So NO pictures :)

Enjoy!

Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

First Day of School...SCHOOL SCHMOOL!

Twas the night before school started
and all through the house
not a creature was stirring
except for....

FREAKING EVERYONE! BECAUSE NOBODY LISTENS TO THEIR MOM WHEN SHE SAYS IT IS BEDTIME AND THEN THEY WONDER WHY THEY ARE TIRED AND CAN'T GET UP IN THE MORNING! AND THEY CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY THEIR UNIFORMS ARE ALL MIXED UP...MAYBE BECAUSE MOM WAS UP UNTIL 12:30 WRITING NAMES ON 24 PENCILS EACH AND FIGURING OUT IF EVERYONE HAS THEIR PAPER TOWELS AND FOLDERS AND EMERGENCY KITS... AND OH WHO AM I KIDDING...

I am so grumpy about school starting. I am still not fully back from vacation. And it bums me out because I usually LOVE the first day of school. Usually I am one those people like that commercial where "It's the MOST wonderful time of the year" is playing and the parents are riding the cart down the aisle blissfully filling it with school supplies while their forlorn children walk slowly behind. That's usually me. I am always excited.

Actually we are ALL usually excited. We are usually- up early, eat a great breakfast, out the door on time or early, everyone buzzing with the anticipation. Now join me for a recap of THIS morning. First of all last night no one wanted to do what I asked. Dinner and showers took twice as long as they should have, which pushed bed to almost an hour past when I wanted it. Then no one could sleep. Delaney and Keegan were both in their rooms now an hour and a half past bedtime, secretly (until they got caught at bed check:) practicing their writing. Good time to do it the night before school starts. Keegan was totally freaked because he couldn't remember how to write a cursive b or  k. Um that's a bad thing especially when your name starts with A K! Finally they fell asleep or at least they were when I checked again at 11:30.

I had promised myself that I would finish my activities blog before school started so I got that done, but I let go of a lot of the things that I usually think are important. I asked Keegs and Delaney to write their names on their supplies. Delaney did it, but Keegan never got to it. Normally I would have stayed up doing it for him. But last night I decided that it would be a better lesson if I sent him and he had to realize he didn't do it. Maybe he'll listen better next time?

No one slept good. They all woke up late. Cam had a semi-meltdown getting dressed, remember those sensory issues we have been dealing with, yeah they really show their ugly face when his uniform comes out. But more on that later. Keegan was trying to be helpful and put the new box of cereal into my tupperware cereal thing. I heard a "MOM!" and then the vacuum start which is never a good thing. All this while Delaney tried to decide how her hair should be (forever) and Maddie who did not want to be up at 7am cried to find her "NI-NI!" This is how I found the kitchen when I just stopped home. Yes, that is milk on the counter. Guess I'll be stopping at the store later. "Yay!" she said sarcastically :)

Somehow we got out the door only a few minutes late and we made it to school in one piece. Mostly! I am looking forward to hopefully a better, more for real, fresh start tomorrow. They did look pretty cute though. We'll see how Cam does on his first REAL day tomorrow! I hope Keegs and Laney had an Awesome day! No really I actually do :) For now I am off to school for pick up. Already! Is that the meanest thing ever to do to parents. It's August 31st, it's a Wednesday, it's the first day of school, and it's NOON DISMISSAL! I think I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, cause all I keep saying in my head is "SCHOOL SCHMOOL!"

 Delaney-First Day of Second Grade!

Keegan- First Day of 4th Grade!